Cultivating DeLight

3 months in...

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 20:02:53 GMT

Thought I'd post a little update... I was feeling slightly more social :) All the pictures are here.

So to start... exhaustion hit me after arriving in Europe. It had hit before then, but I was too busy to know it. All the packing, the selling, the goodbyes, the organizing... and on top of that, I was working on getting the new Qtask website up in time for an important conference we were attending. At 2am on April 1, the website went live and at 6am, Paul drove me to the airport. I crawled onto the plane, fell asleep, and woke up minutes before descending into Schiphol. And I never sleep on planes...

One of the people I met on the US Legendary Pink Dots tour had recently moved to Amsterdam... and she picked me up from the airport when I arrived, helped me carry my bags, and gave me a place to stay for a couple of days. I can't even tell you how much I appreciated her kindness and generosity - especially given my tired state.

And while in Amsterdam, I was able to meet one of my Qtask co-workers... who helped me get set up with a phone and internet access.

The place I was supposed to live when I got to Nijmegen fell through, and so I was little bit stuck. I called Canadian Dave and convinced him to let me visit for a while... and then... luckily for me, LPD invited me to go on the second half of the European tour with them.

It probably wasn't the best idea to go on tour with the Legendary Pink Dots... but let's be real... it's LPD. :) And oh... Lyon, Leipzig, Vienna, Zofingen and everything in-between... it was all magic and amazing, and I still can't even believe how lucky I am to be able to do all of this. But oh, I paid a price for going on the tour... I was more tired than ever when it was over (touring is really hard work).

A day or so after getting back from the tour, a room at the "Rock & Roll Hotel" fell into my lap... and so now, I basically live in a big room in a sort of double apartment - with my own beautiful garden. I share the house with a world class piano rock musician (amazing guy!!) and I'll be here for the next 6 months or so while I rest, reorganize, and start to redirect my life in some new directions.

As I slowed things down a bit, I found that I was really truly worn down. I don't know how to describe it really, except to say that I was really drained... physically and mentally. My body was bruising like crazy, my jaw is in perma-clench, my back is like a rock. I really just felt... broken.

I actually scared myself for a while... I kept wondering if I had finally pushed myself too far. In a bit of a panic, I pulled in all the self care stops. I made myself sleep as much as I could, and exercise a lot, and eat well. I really clung to yoga... in the midst of all the incoherence, yoga seemed like a life-line... something to hold on to... like, if I just do what I've always known to be good, I can't go too far astray.

And so, I've been spending my days working on Qtask, dealing with the immigration stuff, walking, and riding my bike. I needed the time to myself. I needed time to take care of myself. And I'm still not done needing time for these things.... but I'm starting to feel human again, and more importantly, ... alive again.

I have a lot of things to still sort out... and I am really struggling with some things... but for the most part, I have somehow landed in heaven - and there is no question that I made the right decision. What direction to go in next is still revealing itself. But doors keep opening in ways where I am continuously thinking "This can't be for real!" And yet... here I am... in the midst of some magic life.

I wish this for everyone.

I wonder if that's ever been said before?

Mon, 04 May 2009 18:51:54 GMT

"My dongle went nuts."

Fwd: Clothespile Beastling

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 19:42:34 GMT

Fwd: Clothespile Beastling
Originally uploaded by Lightling

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Living like this...

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:07:51 GMT

Living like this...
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Post yoga sisterly snack!

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 20:36:57 GMT

Post yoga sisterly snack!
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Biggest Guns Contest

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:50:11 GMT

Biggest Guns Contest
Originally uploaded by Lightling

The Cheese Toast Girls!

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 23:20:47 GMT

The Cheese Toast Girls!
Originally uploaded by Lightling

I wonder if that's ever been said before?

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 18:58:20 GMT

"There's nothing like doing yoga to Pink Floyd while looking at erect cocks."

Where in the world am I?

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:11:27 GMT

Where in the world am I?
Originally uploaded by Lightling

I wonder if that's ever been said before?

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:34:58 GMT

"They don't have weed at the white house!" - MadDesigner

"No, but they've got jelly beans!" - Zen Chef

Reaching the Pinnacle of Peaks

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 21:23:05 GMT

Reaching the Pinnacle of Peaks
Originally uploaded by Lightling

What is happening here?

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 05:12:02 GMT

What is happening here?
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Someone has started to pre-party...

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 00:10:59 GMT

Someone has started to pre-party...
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Next stop - Spain and Tindersticks!

What's in the cooler? Hmmmm?

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:27:16 GMT

What's in the cooler? Hmmmm?
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Spent the afternoon with Maciej and Shannon...

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 23:36:39 GMT

Spent the afternoon with Maciej and Shannon...
Originally uploaded by Lightling

...who's been a good friend since 1992!! Wowee.

Hooray for air and rocks. They're everywhere!

Oh what a perfect day....

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 20:27:32 GMT

Oh what a perfect day....
Originally uploaded by Lightling

I'm glad to spend it with you!

The very talented Mr. Anthony Gamboa

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 02:51:07 GMT

The very talented Mr. Anthony Gamboa
Originally uploaded by Lightling

... of www.AnthonyGamboa.com

My amazingly wonderful Aunt Sue!

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:17:55 GMT

My amazingly wonderful Aunt Sue!
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Somebody check...

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:46:23 GMT

Somebody check...
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Did hell freeze over? Are pigs flying?

My lovely Oma!

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:33:44 GMT

My lovely Oma!
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Extra supervision while working. :)

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:37:35 GMT

Extra supervision while working. :)
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Lightening the load

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 17:22:06 GMT

As most of you know, I am moving to the Netherlands on April 1 . Yes, I will stay working for Qtask.... and in fact, it is *because* I am working for Qtask that I am able to move to Europe (so grateful!!!).

Because of this exciting and dramatic change, I'm getting rid of everything I own (which isn't much). I've listed everything that I'm selling/giving away here.

Please take a look and see if there's anything you'd like.

Everyone likes cheeseballs...

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:48:55 GMT

Everyone likes cheeseballs...
Originally uploaded by Lightling

We are seriously hiking!

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 20:04:18 GMT

We are seriously hiking!
Originally uploaded by Lightling

Buns on Sunset

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 07:32:19 GMT

Buns on Sunset
Originally uploaded by Lightling