Cultivating DeLight - 3 months in...

09:18 pm - 3 months in...

Thought I'd post a little update... I was feeling slightly more social :) All the pictures are here.

So to start... exhaustion hit me after arriving in Europe. It had hit before then, but I was too busy to know it. All the packing, the selling, the goodbyes, the organizing... and on top of that, I was working on getting the new Qtask website up in time for an important conference we were attending. At 2am on April 1, the website went live and at 6am, Paul drove me to the airport. I crawled onto the plane, fell asleep, and woke up minutes before descending into Schiphol. And I never sleep on planes...



One of the people I met on the US Legendary Pink Dots tour had recently moved to Amsterdam... and she picked me up from the airport when I arrived, helped me carry my bags, and gave me a place to stay for a couple of days. I can't even tell you how much I appreciated her kindness and generosity - especially given my tired state.

And while in Amsterdam, I was able to meet one of my Qtask co-workers... who helped me get set up with a phone and internet access.



The place I was supposed to live when I got to Nijmegen fell through, and so I was little bit stuck. I called Canadian Dave and convinced him to let me visit for a while... and then... luckily for me, LPD invited me to go on the second half of the European tour with them.



It probably wasn't the best idea to go on tour with the Legendary Pink Dots... but let's be real... it's LPD. :) And oh... Lyon, Leipzig, Vienna, Zofingen and everything in-between... it was all magic and amazing, and I still can't even believe how lucky I am to be able to do all of this. But oh, I paid a price for going on the tour... I was more tired than ever when it was over (touring is really hard work).




A day or so after getting back from the tour, a room at the "Rock & Roll Hotel" fell into my lap... and so now, I basically live in a big room in a sort of double apartment - with my own beautiful garden. I share the house with a world class piano rock musician (amazing guy!!) and I'll be here for the next 6 months or so while I rest, reorganize, and start to redirect my life in some new directions.



As I slowed things down a bit, I found that I was really truly worn down. I don't know how to describe it really, except to say that I was really drained... physically and mentally. My body was bruising like crazy, my jaw is in perma-clench, my back is like a rock. I really just felt... broken.

I actually scared myself for a while... I kept wondering if I had finally pushed myself too far. In a bit of a panic, I pulled in all the self care stops. I made myself sleep as much as I could, and exercise a lot, and eat well. I really clung to yoga... in the midst of all the incoherence, yoga seemed like a life-line... something to hold on to... like, if I just do what I've always known to be good, I can't go too far astray.

And so, I've been spending my days working on Qtask, dealing with the immigration stuff, walking, and riding my bike. I needed the time to myself. I needed time to take care of myself. And I'm still not done needing time for these things.... but I'm starting to feel human again, and more importantly, ... alive again.

I have a lot of things to still sort out... and I am really struggling with some things... but for the most part, I have somehow landed in heaven - and there is no question that I made the right decision. What direction to go in next is still revealing itself. But doors keep opening in ways where I am continuously thinking "This can't be for real!" And yet... here I am... in the midst of some magic life.



I wish this for everyone.